It’s summer. Also known as “wedding season.” I for one did not have a summer wedding. That was a surefire way to have one cranky and sweaty bride scowling in all of her wedding pictures. Not to mention my hair would have gone bonkers. Did I also mention my skin hates the summer? Oil and breakouts galore. Kudos to all you summer brides. I just could never do it.
When you’re a bride, you get tons of advice–mostly unsolicited. I got all sorts of advice (many embarrassing) that my brain has successfully blocked it out as a coping mechanism. I can’t even remember them, so don’t bother asking. However, I remember one to this day that I’m not quite sure about.
Worst marriage advice? Buy what you want and hide it from your husband if you know he won’t approve the purchase.
Now, let’s talk about this for a second. One of my aunts told me she does this. Not only that, she’s been doing it for years! What does she buy? More like, what doesn’t she buy? From curtains, to Christmas decoration, to clothes…she buys them all in secret. Then, she hides them in a closet (or under a bed) where my uncle can’t find them. She then brings them out at a snail’s pace. One wreath here. One new window treatment there. I’m totally serious. She’s been doing this her entire marriage.
She claims my uncle doesn’t notice this at all. (In case you’re wondering…I have a total of 17 aunts and uncles, and that’s not including their spouses! I’m not really throwing anyone under a bus here.) I think my uncle notices, but he just makes her believe that he doesn’t.
Now, here’s what I think. It’s
BRILLIANT deceiving, and hilarious but BRILLIANT. Do I think I could pull this off? Not likely, seeing as my husband is the nosiest person I know! He’ll ask me what I bought after every. single. shopping. trip. NOSY!
Have there been instances where I want to buy crap and not tell him? Absuhfreakinlutely. What would I buy given the opportunity? Well, a Canon T3, duh. He’s been hearing about this camera NONSTOP now for over a month. What can I say? Subtle is not in my vocabulary. Except for when I say it in a sorority meeting and pronounce the silent b. Yeah, that was fun. Anyway, that camera is a little out of my budget now…I just better see a camera under the Christmas tree this year. Did you hear that, B? JUST SAYIN’.
I’m curious…what would YOU buy if your significant other wouldn’t find out?
P.S. Just Because is taking a break for now. It’s summer…and there’s nothing people (ahem, me) wanna do more than just lay out in the sun and get away from a computer. We’ll resume again in a few weeks!
I don’t think I’ve ever hidden a purchase from W. That just seems weird to me!
Haha. It’s….something else alright
Rachel Silski says
…I may be guilty of that. I am a clothes shopper holic. I will go buy a ton of clothes and not tell him, sneak them in, hide them in the car, do what ever I need to do to so he does not know and then sneak it in when hes not home. When he ask about my clothes I just say oh I have had this for awhile. I do not hide home goods stuff..thats to noticeable.
Haha. Lucky you. NOTHING goes by unnoticed by my husband! If he didn’t notice things, I’d be more tempted to do that.
That is pretty hilarious hahaha I’m actually pretty impressed by her! But the question is – is it necessary, or does she just kind of like playing the game? I know for me if it’s something for the apartment or that we will both use, my dude has to be all up in the decision-making process. And he’s an engineer so that can make things that shouldn’t be complicated, like buying a TV, super complicated…oof
Ahh! She hides stuff from Home Goods and Kirklands, etc. She doesn’t do it to play games or anything. My uncle just doesn’t like spending money on “home decor,” etc. but he will spend money on his car. Haha
Ah, I see. I meant it in a fun way by the way, not saying she’s crazy and manipulative or anything haha I can imagine getting kind of bored and doing something like that!
Emily @ Sassy in Sequins says
You mean the best marriages aren’t built on deceit? Hmmm
Haha. What a novelty. Lol
Sybil @ Peace it all Together says
While I don’t show my husband every thing when I purchase it, I don’t try to hide it either. I do like bringing things out slowly, like items for the house or new clothes. Since he usually likes how things look when put into their proper place, he doesn’t seem to mind that I spent the money. :)
You bring them out slowly? So where do you store them in the interim?
Sybil @ Peace it all Together says
If it’s clothes they are in my (or the kids’) closets and I have a closet where I store decorations for the house.
Madi | And So I Did says
I have a friend who does this. She leaves everything in the trunk of her car and will pull out one thing at a time. Then when he asks her where it came from she says a friend (read:me) gave it to her and didn’t want it anymore.
WHOA! I would feel to guilty lying to J about it… and it’s probably a bad habit to get into.
If I were going to partake, I would buy a car. I know you can’t hide a car… but I want a new car so bad… :(
Wow. That’s wrong of your friend to throw you under the bus like that! And, her husband is going to start thinking you’re rich! Haha
Lisa C says
I think I once threw a bag from Loft in the closet when I got home. Not because I was trying to hide that I bought something, more just because I didn’t feel like explaining to my husband why I bought a skirt and sweater when I have a closet full of clothes. He doesn’t really get that your wardrobe can constantly evolve.
HAHAHAHAHH! Now that’s hilarious!
Bekah @ re•solve says
My friend was at an MLM party, I forget which company, but when she said she needed to talk to her husband first, the saleswoman got all offended and proceeded to tell her that she buys EVERYTHING behind her husband’s back, including her new Lexus. I imagine she won’t stay married long.
I feel slow for asking this…but what’s an MLM party?
Bekah @ re•solve says
Multi Level Marketing — Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, etc :)
I don’t hide any purchases but I don’t always show it off the minute I bring it through the door either! Unless that bag has new shoes in it… those get stored away real quick! He swears I don’t need anymore shoes, but we all know you can’t have enough!
You need to see our closet. 99% of the shoes in there belong to my husband.
I don’t exactly go out of my way to show all of my purchases to my boyfriend, but we live together in a one-bedroom apartment, he’s going to see everything eventually!! Hiding things from one another is a dangerous game, one that I”m not willing to play!
You’re so right. It can get dangerous! But B is so nosy that he ruins surprise birthday/Christmas gifts for himself. I can’t win. LOL
Natalie Hinkley says
My husband is just like your aunt! I am the budgeter and he is the spendy one, but I notice EVERYSINGLETIME that he’s got another new pair of shoes, or there are more golf clubs than usual. He’s always like, oh, I bought that months ago! Ugh. lol
If you look at my recent Instagram pictures, he has about 90% more shoes than I do! Grr!
Rachel Murphree says
I haven’t felt the need to hide anything from C since we’re not married and we have separate budgets and all. Occasionally he’ll see a package on the door step or bags in my car and ask, “shoes again?” to which I am like “noooo….well…yes. But I needed these!” He just laughs.
LOL! I’d love to have separate budgets, but alas 1) we’re married and 2) I’m not working. That kinda makes it impossible to hide purchases lol
Kalyn P says
I have bought a few things without telling D, but not in a way where I’m “hiding” it from him. He rarely asks what I buy on shopping trips, mainly because he doesn’t care. If he asks, I usually tell. After he bought something (a $400+ something) and intentionally didn’t tell me, we both decided we’d let the other person know if we made a purchase over $100 that wasn’t a regular purchase (groceries, bills, food, etc). Its been working well so far!
That’s nice. (P.S. the camera I want costs about $400..I wanna test that out!)
Patricia B says
My mother-in-law buys stuff without telling her husband (dresses, kitchen gadgets, etc.), and hides them in her closet for months. Then we he asks if she’s wearing a new dress, she goes “What? This old thing? I bought it months ago.” She let me in on this little secret right before I got married.
I asked my husband if he knew, and he was really surprised. He also made me promise never to do that :P
Thing only thing I do that is similar to this is with grocery shopping. I go and pick stuff up without telling him all the time. When ever I ask him if we should buy something food related, he’s says it’s unnecessary. “No we’ll be fine without milk for a few more weeks.” He’s not the one who usually cooks, because that’s my hobby. But before I started buying food without asking first, we’d have days where all we had to eat was pasta with butter on it, because “We had plenty in the fridge!”
Now I just go and pick stuff out on my own time. Because even though he disapproves when we discuss buying things, he’s always happy after I’ve made the purchase. So I guess I’m not hiding anything, I’ve just learned to stop asking.
Wow – this comment’s a novel. I’m sorry. But clearly you’ve written a great post that really resonates with people :)
HAHA! Too funny! Maybe it’s a non-American habit of not filling in husbands on purchases? My aunts and uncles weren’t born in the USA and carried their culture with them. Let’s just say that it’s not just my relatives that do this. MANY Hispanic women do this! Hmmmmm. Interesting! (P.S. I LOVE long comments!)
Wow, that’s crazy!!!! If I buy it with my “allowance” the cash that I get, he wouldn’t care. And when I buy gifts, i don’t tell him, but I don’t think I’d be able to do that!
Now…what if you let your “allowance cash” build over a few months? Would that make a difference? Like, if you were to save your allowance cash over 6-9 months?
Nope! :) My allowance cash is to use as I please. (I have a hard time letting it build up though hahaha). We usually tell each other the things we plan on buying, I get too excited to buy things. I know my husband is saving up right now to buy a couple of big things of his own! :) If it’s our money that we’re budgeting for other things, I think he’d have a problem, but when it’s the cash that we’ve budgeted out to be on whatever, it works. We call it our “blow money” because we can blow it on whatever we want :)
Karoline Z says
MY MOM DOES THIS! And actually, I’ve been her co-conspirator wayyy more times than I’d like to admit! I think it’s really funny. I mean, it’s not exactly a bad thing…she just doesn’t want him to know just how often she actually goes shopping. My dad doesn’t usually notice when she is wearing something new, so it’s not really a problem. I say as long as your making your own money, it’s not a problem
That’s really funny. I think this is a lot more common than I thought!
Rachel Epps says
I seriously cannot buy ANYTHING without my hubs finding out. He is super paranoid about our cards getting stolen, so he checks our accounts multiple times a day. He has called me minutes after I’ve made an online purchase to ask if that was actually me that charged the card. It’s good when it comes to making sure there is never any fraud, but I have the hardest time doing surprises for birthdays or Christmas. I’ve actually had my friends buy things for me and me pay via check to my friend so he won’t see where the charge was made. haha
I’m the one who takes care of the bank account and bills because numbers are not my husband’s friend. The only purchases I’ve hidden from him are gifts, although I don’t go out of my way to tell him about EVERYTHING I buy. Granted, I don’t really ever buy anything I don’t think he’d approve of anyway.
Oh I do this!!! I’m in charge of all the money and my hubby doesn’t even check the bank!! I don’t buy big and fancy things, but I don’t feel like I have to tell him if I bought a new shirt at Target ;) It’s good advice, haha!
Michelle @ Our Three Peas
Sarah Randle says
I just started following you and I love this post! haha I’ve recently moved in my boyfriend, PB, and I found myself thinking that if I couldn’t logically justify a purchase, I should just hide it, right?! Wrong! haha I think I would also buy a camera and lots more shoes! PB totally doesn’t understand the need for more shoes, but he’s also a man who only owns two pairs, one for work and one for not work. How boring! Happy to see I’m not alone! :)
Haha….I’m not a spender and B knows that. Having said that, it makes me upset when I can’t buy something that I’ve been saving up for because “we have to be responsible!”
That is too funny! My big sis does it. I was at DSW once and the lady in front of me asked for the shoes to be taken out of the boxes so she could hide them when she gets home. I’ve wanted to but more because of my own issues when I feel like a shopaholic. But I don’t. He’s happy when I buy things to make me happy ’cause he knows I’m responsible about money. Get the T3. Is it the cannon Rebel? We have that one. Just buy it say, lookee honey see what I bought!
You have no idea how hard I wanna hug you right now. It’s like borderline creepy!
Sara Elizabeth says
My mom does this ALL the time but its mainly with clothes. She’ll hit the mall up after work and leave the bags in the trunk and slowly brings different pieces out. Dad never notices that the clothes are new but I’m sure he notices it on the bank statements so she’s not as sneaky as she thinks haha
Sarah Alway says
So many people get married in the summer, outside, in the Pacific Northwest, which leaves guests either sitting in the rain or sweltering in the hot sun. Not cool. I got married in March (inside) and it was just about perfect. :-)
Ha I love it! My dad (yes, my dad) taught me the same thing, he’s been doing it for years! Unfortunately he didn’t teach me very well how to get away with it, because my mom always finds out about his shopping, and my husband mine. Oh well, I’ll still keep trying! Love the photo too!!
sarah goodman says
HAHAAHA WHAT!!!!! my husband would notice all of that so quickly! its also in my personality i think that i want his opinion on so many things and that im way to excited to show him whatever i bought. but if he didnt notice? my oh my. my wardrobe and accessories would be off the hook.
I have hidden purchases, but considering we share a bank account I always get caught. Is that a new top? No? Are you sure? conversation happens a lot. I know a lot of people that keep rainy day money and I am not a fan of that. To each their own I guess.
Natalie Best says
Girl. I feel you. I want to get married this summer but for some odd reason… I am A. fatter than usual…. B. my face is a pepperoni pizza… and C. my hair is a no no frizzy, growing out mess.
Fall wedding here we come.
I could never pull that off either. Daniel notices when we get a new pad of sticky notes! I kid not. But, if I could get away with it, and not feel uber guilty, I would totally get a fancy camera too. Sigh. One day!
Oh God. I’m guilty of this. I’m not married, but if I think my boyfriend will give me that disapproving where-did-you-get-the-money-for-that-I-thought-you-were-broke-and-you-already-have-a-pair-just-like-them look then I sort of… squirrel them away somewhere and don’t wear them for a while and then pull them out and say “Oh, I’ve had these for a while, I just never wear them” (which is totally true), and then I feel like less of a bad person.
Although, the boyf is pretty damn smart. I KNOW HE KNOWS. But I just pretend to not know that he pretends to not know that I know he knows. So it all works out.
(I will stop this if we ever get married though. Definitely maybe.)
I have heard of people who have done this but I can tell you that I wouldn’t and I have been married going on 29yrs but it is just not something that sounds right to me. Thankfully my hubby rarely asks me what I buy, then again I usual like to show him stuff I have bought but there have been times I have bought stuff and he didn’t ask and I didn’t tell just because it I didn’t think to do so then again the things are not expensive
Holly Higgins says
I may or may not have done this before… :-) It’s usually kids clothes.
I did this a few times when I lived with my boyfriend lol. But I usually let the fact that he wouldn’t approve talk me out of buying it. I mean if he wouldn’t approve, there was probably a good reason.
On another note, you and I need to talk about skin care! I started using the Rodan + Fields Unblemish regime once it started getting hot and I started getting sweaty and I’ve only had maybe one or two pimples this summer!! I’ve never had something work so well for my crazy skin!
This is probably the funniest post I’ve ever come across! Of course he notices, but it’s so sweet he doesn’t let on. That’s real love! My husband ALWAYS wants to know what I got after a shopping trip. No secrets with us either.