Is it just me, or are there a lot of people lacking manners out there? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to dodge and almost trip to avoid “walking into” people. If that didn’t make sense to you, you’re not alone. I’m convinced these people also exist in hell. Let’s look at some of them:
Just yesterday I drove to the local supermarket to buy groceries. As I near the entrance, I notice that it’s partially blocked by an elderly woman. Not only that, she seems to be talking to a store employee who is also blocking the entrance. Like, full blown oblivious-to-the-whole-world conversation.
I pause to see if they’ll notice me. Nope. The lady even looks past me into the parking lot and doesn’t budge an inch.
You’re kidding me right? That would have at least been an acknowledgement that she was in the way. What I get instead? Yet another opportunity to practice my tip-toeing skills. Tip-toeing around large, stationary masses.
You can also find the anchor at the malls. I swear that people have a secret goal of seeing how many people will avoid walking into them.
I don’t think I will ever miss the tracker. Not even when I’m old and wrinkly. I went to pick up our pizza last night and had to wait in line as they were busy. No biggie, I have my iPhone to be antisocial entertain me.
I feel eyes on me. Sure enough, there’s a man staring at me. I look away. The manager comes and asks me if someone has taken my order. I’m tripping over my words because I can still feel this guy’s eyes on me. I look back at him hoping he’s not staring.
Shit. Still staring at me. Since there’s still someone standing in front of me in line, I take one step to the left so their head blocks the tracker’s view, only to curse under my breath as my only shield walks away. Thankfully, the manager notices my reaction, snaps his fingers twice at the employee, and the tracker is no more. I could have hugged him.
If you’ve never fallen victim to this person, count your blessings. The yakker is the the person that traps you into a conversation you don’t care on having. Actually, that’s putting it nicely. It’s not even a conversation; it’s more of a monologue because you can’t get a word in.
This person will follow you everywhere. You walk around trying to find an exit, and the yakker sees it as you inviting them for a walk. If you try to leave their house, they will follow you to your car and continue their chatter at your car window. You have the same expression on your face as with the tracker but on the inside you look like this:
The only thing worse than a yakker is a yakker with halitosis. Yum.
This person yells into their cell phone and makes sure errrrrbody knows their business. He said followed by and then I said can usually give them away. They usually also have very brightly-colored clothing on (or lack, thereof). If their outfit doesn’t give them away, you can always spot the entertainer by their swag or their blinged-out ears, fingers, wrists and ankles. They are always the center of attention and you best not forget it.
Think they’re embarrassed? Nope. The weird looks they get actually feel rewarding to them. Don’t piss off the entertainer, though, because they’ll come after you like a pitbull. #youknowyouwantsomeofthis.
This one is self-explanatory. The creeper is the kind of person that, instead of talking to you, they will hide around the corner as you’re getting a drink at the water cooler. You see something out of the corner of your eye. Nope it’s not a bird. Not even a plane. And most definitely not Superman. It’s the creeper playing a sick and creepy game of peek-a-boo and it’s their idea of flirting.
I wish I could tell you I am making up all of these scenarios, but I’m not.
And because the creeper made me get the hell out of Dodge, I signing off.
Over and out.