Here’s how to be a bridezilla:
1. Insist your bridesmaids look bad so you look better.
I admit, that’s a little harsh. But I was miserable the entire day. I’m all for incorporating you and your future spouse into your wedding theme. I really am. But please consider aesthetics when you are planning. Blue and green can work together as wedding colors if you do it well. Aqua + light lime, maybe. But royal blue and hunter green? I’ve only seen that work in Scottish tartan. No. I had to suffer this ugly color combo.
I felt like Mother Earth, not only because of the color combination, but because the dress was unbelievably tight (probably my fault). At least some bridesmaids got a nice white ribbon instead of the vomit green color. I pleaded with her before we ordered dresses. Can we all have white ribbons? There was no talking Monica out of this.
3. INSIST your bridesmaids go to a hair salon.
Not only that, but have your incredibly rude and snotty sister also insist you come with dirty hair for the updo. And if you raise a concern that you HAVE to wash your hair (some of us are greaseballs), snotty sister will pitch a fit at the rehearsal dinner. Real classy. If I have to pay $50 for a crappy hair updo, AND have dirty hair on top of it, I will not be happy. But I did it, just to make Monica and snot-nosed sister happy. (Also, consider your bridesmaids’ pockets. Some of them might be broke college students without a dime to spare).
4. Threaten to remove your bridesmaid’s significant other from the premises.
I vowed that when we got married, my bridesmaids could pick the dress they wanted to wear in a color that complemented all skin tones and a style that accommodated all shapes and sizes. They could do whatever they wanted with hair and accessories, and I wouldn’t suffer them annoying phone calls and requests.
Not only did I go through with that vow, but I changed our wedding colors around the bridesmaids’ dresses…just so my girls could look fab and feel fab. I think it was a success. Don’t you think?